Posts Tagged ‘New Year’

Happy New Year.  It seems that a lot of people thought 2016 was horrible or expressed hatred for the year.  How can you hate a year?  It’s just a period of time.  I don’t think I’ve ever expressed a feeling of being glad to see the back of a year.  Time is precious. During any year you have good and bad.  Treasure those memories.  We’re still alive and have more to live.  Don’t take it for granted.

Anyway, I said that I would write about my trip.  I haven’t felt motivated, I suppose, because I kept a diary while overseas so felt like I’ve written about it, and also shared a lot of photos on Facebook.  I still don’t feel like writing about it all and uploading the photos again.  Perhaps in a few days.

So, I don’t have anything to say right now.  It’s a gloomy sort of day.  I guess I’m reflecting with sadness on past years and don’t really know what to do with myself today.  I got home about 2.30 am from C’s place and slept in until 10.25 am (after first being woken at about 6 am).  Since then I’ve mucked about, finally updating my genealogy blog at least.  I had thought about going out today but the afternoon is nearing the end and the weather isn’t inviting.  Tomorrow perhaps, although I’ve got to go and buy groceries yet again.

Sorry, a blog entry about nothing.  I’ll write later perhaps.  I’ll end here with my favourite photo of my mother (far more attractive than me), who died 38 years ago tomorrow.  She would have been 92, but she always said she didn’t want to grow old. (She got her wish. She never did. Be careful what you wish for.)



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Limbo time

I always find this period between Christmas and New Year and the start of work again rather weird.  Time passes unmarked but quickly, hot weather drains and you wander round between chores, games, browsing, reading and watching (TV and/or DVD).  It’s also the time that I feel most alone even if surrounded by family.

Christmas Day was fairly ordinary.  Because my brother does not want gifts there is no gift-giving – just another ordinary day with lots of food and alcohol.  No decorations, even.  The weather was not pleasant – cold and drizzly.  At one point I found myself alone – my brother and sister-in-law having wandered off to check the sheep in a neighbouring paddock, my daughters and their boyfriends chatting away together over a board game.  I strolled over to my brother’s tree paddock – a paddock he’s trying to establish as a forest.  I wanted to sit there on my own with a book.  I felt unwanted and unneeded, inadequate.  I knew it was because everyone else was half of a couple and I had no-one with whom to share things.  I felt incredibly lonely.

I’m heading off to my friend’s place in Tauranga in a couple of days’ time.  Part of me doesn’t want to go – I fear I’ll feel the same inadequacies and loneliness, but at the same time I know I’ll enjoy the company.  I baffle myself.

All too quickly on my return, the time will zoom by and another year of work will start all over again and, unless I find another job, another year of boredom and struggling financially.

Incredibly, on 2nd January it will be 30 years since my mother died and it’s just on 25 years since my father died.  It doesn’t seem possible.

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I just noticed that it says I’ve been online since September 2005 – I thought “Good God, have I really?”

Motivation is lacking – for anything.  Maybe it’s the gloomy weather that’s set in and doesn’t look like going away for some time.  It’s like a smothering blanket of grey.

Anyway, Xmas and New Year are now but memories – good ones, thankfully.  A quiet Xmas with the girls and their boyfriends and a reasonable New Year’s eve at my friend’s in Tauranga.  I did the Mt Maunganui thing this year (Kiwis will know what I mean) but it’s all alcohol-free and more family-oriented.  No more drunken riots.  But it’s probably the first alcohol-free New Year’s eve I’ve had in a long time.  I’ll post pics of my brief trip away at some stage.  I’m at work so haven’t the time to expand and haven’t access to the photos.

I bought some calendars yesterday – 75% off so I bought 3 – one for me, one for work and one for remaining teen at home.  She’s already written stuff in it and I noticed she’d put in the space for her father’s birthday “the father’s birthday”.  It reveals much.

Time for a coffee I think.

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